What you should never say to a programmer!

Fon Noel Nfebe 2017-09-18 Technology

Programmers are a weird breed of people they have very funny principles and yes its even funny that they have a list of things they want you not to say to them. I don't want to spend my time telling you how weird, crazy, smart or interesting programmers can be instead I would like to walk you through interesting and viral answers dropped by programmers themselves to this question on Quora which has 100+ answers!

1) Have you built something like Facebook?

Does that really count? Never ask this question or anything like that to a programmer!

Read Nifemi Sola-Ojo's answer to What should you never say to a programmer? on Quora

2) What do you do exactly?

Nothing actually. We are just a bunch of computers nerds, sitting all day in front of the screen, trying to solve some trivial problems while you guys are busy wasting your times on apps and web - which apparently are developed by us. See, nothing much.

There's actually a difference between trying to know more about programming from a programmer and asking this question!

3) Take off your headphones and work!

Yeah yeah! You are the boss aren't you? Programmers have several ways of making themselves focus it varries but never try to tell a programmer to stop what he/she does while working simply becuase it looks like a distraction! You might just be demotivating the nerd.

4) I have a great startup idea!

After explaining your "next-google" idea you be like: Totally awesome right? So anyway, I am looking for a programmer who will do the programming, shouldn’t take much time. I will be the CEO, doing the hard work, you know, talking with real people, you nerds can’t do that. How about we split the profit 80%–20%? I think it is generous!”

Programmers hate that. And guess what, we can talk to people, we just don’t like to.

5) You should know how to hack [***]

Can you hack into the FBI? Why don't you just hack the banks and make yourself rich? Oh oh!! Really?

6) AI will replace programmers soon!

And you are excited becuase computers will replace programmers in the coming days?

7) I actually know a bit of code myself, I just need you to *** not like ***

Either you know most of it and are capable of learning things you don’t know and doing it all yourself, or you can just as well get someone else to do it altogether. If you go with the latter, please abide by the “No recommendations if you’re not a programmer” policy, so if you bother to violate that one, you’ll have to suffer the consequences. And there's really no such thing as a bit of code!

Just as you’re usually not impressed when we brag about how much we know about computers, we’re not impressed when you brag about how little you know about them.
~ Macleod Sawyer

8) You're so expensive, I know someone who can do it for $50

Great! Why are you wasting my time then? I am offering you a software that will add value to your business. Not a data entry sheet in the form of software that you cannot even rely on to know if you're improving or not. Ramy Mohamed Quora

9) Can this (or that) be done?

Just don't ask that… the answer is always yes. Most of the things you can come up with is probably possible to do, it's just a matter of time, money and quality of the end result. Ragnar Eklund Quora

Those kinda questions are very annoying for some reason! I personally hate them answering such.

10) Just do as I say

This is the worst thing you can ever do for your own project! Not giving the programmer the opportunity to think or do what he knows is best. You will have one hell of a crappy result and you dare not throw it at back at the programmer. If it's me I would just tell you, this is exactly what you told me to do! Stop it already!

There several things you should not say(ask) to a programmer! And because the possibilities are many I would give you a guidline. Avoid saying things that have to do with popular stereotypes like "programmers and coffee"

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